Get over it!

Hello again and thanks for reading my blog. I want to share something with you. My first wife and I got married in 1980, then divorced in 1988. I didn't want the divorce, but she definitely did. We both were Christians at the time, but that didn't seem to matter or make a difference. Anyway, to this day I still yearn for her. I know I shouldn't dwell on her - most of the time I catch myself thinking about her and different situations that we went through before I realize that I'm thinking that way. She was totally hot, smart, funny, and fun to be around. She was even a good cook. I loved her more than life itself. I would've died for her if it was her life being threatened. She was perfect in every way, except... SHE DIDN'T LOVE ME! 

After being married for 6 years, she told me that God doesn't require her to love me. She also told me that she truly believed that God told her that she shouldn't marry me... on the morning of our wedding day. After hearing these bits of shitty knowledge, I was very hurt. I still told her almost every day that I loved her. But, I started "shopping" for a new woman. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in a loveless marriage.

I haven't felt love like that since, until I met the woman that I left her for. I was head over heels in love with this new woman. I moved in with her and, after 39 days, she sort of kicked me out. She wanted to try to "fix" what she broke. After all, she also left her family for me, basically.

I ended up meeting a woman about a year and a half after the divorce and ended up marrying her. I wasn't in love, and I hate that fact. I'll always feel bad about that. We were married for 23 years and ended up divorcing. We had some good times, if you ask me. She would probably say we didn't, but we did. When she told me that she was divorcing me, I started feeling love for her. Maybe it was just the "grass is greener" syndrome. I'm pretty sure, though, that I really felt love for her.

Anyway, those are some very private things about me. Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Ig <><

Fantasizing...

I just had two Jehovah's Witnesses come to my door. What a fucking waste of time! They spend their entire lives believing a lie. Oh well. I wasted about 38 years of my life. When I was a Christian, I thought it was the right and only way to go in life. But now I'm convinced that all religions can be equated with fantasies... wild, life changing fantasies. I would love it if I could convince only one religious person that fact.

Winter is flying by so fast. It seems like yesterday that winter started. Oh well, I hate cold weather, so it's a good thing. Well, I don't necessarily hate cold weather, just cold windy weather. And the wind is almost always blowing in the winter.

This past Christmas my children gave me a Chromebook, a notebook computer that uses the Chrome OS (operating system). It has served me well up until today. I use two different Google accounts with it. Today I changed the password to one of those accounts, and that started a maelstrom of problems. All of a sudden I couldn't log into either one of those accounts. After about a half-hour I finally got everything under control. Google was telling that the "Sing-in" failed (notice the incorrect spelling). I really have a hard time believing that Google, a tech giant, would misspell that word. Oh well...

I keep forgetting to mention that my main Google account was hacked last Friday (Feb. 12, 2016). I have 2 Google accounts, and thank goodness they both weren't hacked. I was still able to get on the internet using my other account. Actually, Google blocked access to the hackers because it originated in Texas somewhere, and I'm in Missouri. So, I immediately changed my password, then I went to setup 2-step verification to make my main account more secure. I screwed up and used my main account's Google Voice number, so I couldn't check my phone for the confirmation code because, well... you see my dilemma? So, I was locked out of my main Google account. I went through the locked-out procedures to get back in, and they told me that it would be anywhere from 3 to 5 business days before I will regain access. It was somewhat a nightmare. However, two days later, I called Google and talked to a nice female voice. After getting very confused, I told her that I have to get off the phone to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later, I received an email in my 2nd account stating that I can get back into my main account. Anyway, I now have a more secure password than I've ever had, plus I set up 2-step verification in both accounts.

Ig <><

Electronics... Sheesh!

This past weekend I visited with my son & daughter and my grandchildren. We had a pretty good time except for the fact that the grandchildren spent most of the time sitting at their computers. Their father told them to quit so that they could spend some quality time with their granddad... me! Anyway, the rest of the visit was great.

My inability to concentrate and focus on whatever I'm doing, including watching Jeopardy, reading, and even listening to podcasts, has me a bit concerned. I can't help to wonder if there's something wrong upstairs, if you know what I mean. I guess it could be from the meds that I'm on, but one of them is supposed to help with focus and mental clarity. Oh well...

Ig <><

Today I saw 5 deer out my window. Such magnificent animals. And they get along just fine without any help from people or anything else. They eat, sleep, defecate, procreate in the woods by my apartment. I think all of them were young because they were somewhat playing while grazing.

Tomorrow I will call the dental office to see if they will let me have only a top denture. That way, I can smile without feeling ugly and poor. I have always had bad teeth. When I was about 13 years old I had several cavities. The dentist gladly filled them with amalgam fillings. Most of them have fallen out. Last year I lost a major filling right in the upper front. That filling was helping my two-tooth partial stay up. So, I basically lost two and a half teeth in my smile in one day. Then another tooth in my smile broke off... and another. And I can't find a way to get dentures. Damn. Look away! I'm hideous!

Ig :-)

Born again... sort of...

I forgot to mention in yesterday's post that I am now pretty much an atheist. And I know for sure that Christianity is a man-made religion, just like Hinduism, Buddhism, and Islam. I was a faithful and dedicated Christian for about 38 years, yet I had many, many problems during that time - health problems, financial problems, drinking problem, two divorces, etc. So, I started doubting the existence of God and the closer I became to being a full-fledged atheist, the more at peace I became. It simply makes so much more sense. I can now say that it's not God allowing (or causing) this and that problem, but instead just happenstance. I feel like I wasted almost my entire life with religion. I'm just glad that I can finish out my years without that bondage.

Ig :-)

Me?! Really?!

Since my last post, I've rented an apartment here in my hometown. My rent is dirt cheap, so I always have some money left over after paying my bills. I consider my apartment to be the best in town, because I see deer out my windows on a regular basis. I'm almost surrounded by woods and soccer fields. I've also seen numerous turkeys, a dead fox, and a sasquatch (just kidding). When I saw the dead fox, there were three deer and a large bird looking at it. Actually, the large bird (not a vulture) was picking at the meat. Bon appetit! :-)

Also, in the past year or so, I've become pretty good friends with (I'll call him Jim). Jim drives me nuts - he interrupts me about 50% of the time - he almost always finishes his sentences mumbling and very quiet (I have to ask him to repeat the sentence often) - he says some of the stupidest things that are untrue, etc... many other things that drive me nuts. I'm afraid to bring any of these things to his attention in fear that he might get very depressed and try to kill himself (he has bipolar disorder, but so do I).

A few days ago, I saw my doctor to get the results of my blood tests. Everything was very good and normal except for my triglycerides. My cholesterol was so low that he took me off of my cholesterol medicine. Actually, my thyroid wasn't perfect, so he once again increased my medicine for that.

Today Google (a person in the product forums) sent me an email asking if I wanted to contribute to Google help forums, to answer questions basically. I figure if I can't answer, I'll just search for an answer in Google. I feel modest.

A little over a year ago, December of 2014, I set out to solve my Rubik's cube. I searched YouTube for tutorials and found several. About a week later I solved it. I also discovered something cool on YouTube - speedcubing. I soon bought a speedcube and I was hooked! I started out solving it in about six minutes. I worked real hard (I have plenty of time - I'm disabled) and now I can average right about a minute. My record (PB-personal best) is 43.8 seconds. There are basically four steps in solving a cube - the cross, F2L (the first two layers), OLL (orientation of last layer), and PLL (permutation of last layer). This method is called the Fridrich method, invented by a girl (at that time) in the early 1980s and named after her. I can't remember her first name. If you're interested in solving a cube, please consider clicking on one of the links to cube stores above. You can obtain one for very little money.

Ig :-)

Today, May 13th, 2014 diary...

Proud father...

My son plays golf and he hit his first "hole in one" today.  I'm so proud of him!


ig <><

Birthday...

Well, today’s my 56th birthday.  I thought I’d have something grand to type out, but nope.  And I don’t feel any older than I did yesterday.

I’ve received several happy birthday notes through Facebook.  Thanks to all.


ig ><>

Smoking, drinking, and laughter...

I don't know why I smoke.  It just makes me more nervous and jittery than I already am.  But it, as well as alcohol and many other things, is an addiction.  I'm not using that as an excuse (please read the scripture link).

"I'm on the wagon."  A good way to remember what the "wagon" is: The "wagon" is a water wagon.  I very much prefer to "ride" as opposed to walking (or running away!), sleeping in the gutter, and/or waking up to another personal "hell".

Update as of October 4, 2011: Well, I went five weeks without any drink and last night I screwed up. :-(  I guess it truly is an addiction/illness as "they" say.  I really think now that I'm "self medicating".  It's amazing - I'm pretty messed up right now, but I still feel the Presence of God, the Holy Spirit, speaking to me.  Thank You, Lord!

No matter what I've gone through, I've pretty much kept my sense of humor, dry as it may be.  I'm very thankful for that because I consider it "therapy" and, hopefully, an inspiration to others.

ig ><>
C's status as of 20111002, 9:27pm: "I've never been better."

Thoughts...

I'm sitting here eating, smoking, and wasting time when I could be writing down my thoughts.  Hmmm...

I've been playing much more guitar lately.  My finger callouses were pretty gone, but now I almost have them "up to par".  I love playing the acoustic guitar and have always loved playing since I learned the instrument in 1974, thanks to my good friend, R. C., who is in my prayers. 

Please add him to your prayers.  He's had MND (Motor Neuron Disease) for many years now, and it's progressively getting worse.

Both he and his wife are some of the most generous people I've ever met.  Back in '74 when he was teaching me how to play, he bought me an inexpensive guitar with a case!  Before long, he told me that I played better than him!  That's the kind of friend he was and is.  God, bless him!

It was another beautiful day here in the Midwest.  I love this time of year!  I really enjoy going for short walks.  I also enjoy finding some wood to whittle on.  Most of the time I just whittle small crosses to give away.

About a week ago I gave one to a young man.  It was probably the best cross I had ever made.  I didn't get the chance to add thread and glue in order to "finish" it because he was sitting on the same "wall" as I was when I carved it.

Okay. Time for bed.


ig ><>